Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Im part way to drunk.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
