worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
