dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
