Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
