you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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