last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
