I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Actions speak louder than pants.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
