i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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