I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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