Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
