Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i believe in u and ur pee
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
