you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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