you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Holy sore nipples Batman
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
