new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
