who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
