Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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