'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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