i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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