Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
