We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
