Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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