Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
