i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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