I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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