Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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