I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
