My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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