1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
