Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
