your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
