He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
