You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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