I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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