East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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