im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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