She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
