Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
