Jerry, you need to find god
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
