when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
