She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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