I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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