I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
