K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
