That's intense
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
