I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I touched a dick in church today
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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