i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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