What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
