i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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