I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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