But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
