Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
