Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
