I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
