What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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