I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
