I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
